trackgal6

This is very good like the rest of your story, but it kind of seemed to slow down a little. You might lose the readers attention during this section. I ...

"made by a guy who spend" spent "I was pretty much pissed the rest of the day, then I got home." I think that these are two completely different thoughts ...

Text when you get home? Why text, wouldn't it be easier just to call? drive and started her drive out of town. You say drive twice here and it sounds ...

grew louder and louder until found herself screaming then she realized her bedroom no longer had furniture in i Either make this to sentences, or add a comma. The room ...

Girls! Girls, wake up! We've got a mule's cart of work to get done today, and it won't get itself done if you're still in Dream World! You use the ...

This is very creative. It seems like a dream, with all the things happening, and then also tells you about her past. Very creepy. Quote: Her neck and a rope ...

Ok, I'm starting to understand now. It's good the way you started them out separate, told a little bit about each of them and brought them together. I can't wait ...

I'm a little confused as to who is narrating here. I think you should put a little more detail. I think your storyline so far is interesting but hard to ...

I really like it. I think that you had a great cliffhanger at the end. I can't wait to see what happens next. Corrie saying that she doesn't like tea ...

I really like your story. You grab the readers attention at the begining and keep them interested until the end. The way he asks these things about her life tells ...

I really liked your story. I think you should add a little more detail about how she got the bruise, and also maybe say something about Faith's personality. It wouldn't ...