tommyknocker

Hi, Tomm here to comment. I love the first sentence: "She’s sitting in a cot in a cold, white box." Really mysterious. Makes me want to read on. Good job. ...

Hi there! First off the first line: "I was completely smacked for words...." I think re-phrasing that line would make it seem less.....Awkward. Also, she has no friends? Elaborate. Why ...

Hi. I really liked this piece and your MC's throughout were excellent. However, I have a few questions. Was your character a boy or a girl? Haha. Why was your ...

Hi there! I liked the idea here but there's a few questions that i feel are left un-answered. Who is she? A person that has supernatural abilities, i got that ...

Hi there. Good job on this story. I think most people on this site are teens and they could relate to this. All i could say is that at the ...

Hi, hey this real good, but real short. I implore you to expand on this and make a great story, to go with a great opening paragraph. Remember the path ...

Hi. I like this story. May i say your style is terrific! However at the end, i come away thinking is she dying? Has she died? Why?? Also, i feel ...

Hi, Jaybe. Tomm here to comment. If this was a first chapter of a paperback novel, i dunno what I'd think. It's very short. Perhaps prologue length. Okay, i like ...

Hi. Okay this seems rushed. But i understand that this was a spur of the moment story about what happened at this "business class." Also, there's quite a few capital ...

Haha, okay this sweet. I love the fact that it's a true story. However. I agree with Funkymomo. There is no, plot. It's just you like this guy and there ...

Hi there. First off I'd like to say that i liked the title of your story. I agree with TabbyGirl. After i finish this, i feel this feeling of wanting ...

Hi there. This is rather short for a post. But i hope you finish story off. Anyway. There's a few grammatical errors in this. But i don't really care. We ...

Hi. I'd just liked to say i loved this story and i could feel the emotion. Well done. But, i don't get this. This girls is in love with this ...

Hi! After the reading this story i feel a bit...Muddled. Is that the right word? Not sure. Anyhow. A guy gets shot, and I'm i like yeah okay this sounds ...

Hi. I really liked this story and it was a breeze to read. No clumsy errors and grammar But i think, when you change perspective and tell us that you ...