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Re: A Secret
Brava! This is absolutely stunning! I love it! The only thing that, in my opinion, I would change is the very first line, adding an "ing" to "feel". Besides that, ...
Jun 13, 2010 -
Re: Smiling Sun-Prologue
"Julie," she whispered "can I sleep with you? I don't want to be alone tonight" First, after "she whispered" there needs to be a comma, and after tonight there should ...
Jun 12, 2010 -
Re: Numb (Part 2)
forefinger rubbing the leather chair I sit in, where it's worn and gone soft from my finger, after years This is good. It shows a lot of description, but the ...
Jun 12, 2010 -
Re: Let The Rain Fall
Heya Butterfinger! This is a great piece, and it portrays a bunch of emotion, but you're missing a bunch of punctuation. I understand you may have written it this way ...
Jun 12, 2010
