theotherone

Hi there. :) I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with the overall impression. Breathing heavily , Selene Day peered around at the corner of the dark forest. ...

Hi there. :) I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with the overall impression. As soon as I pass the Biology lab, a girl in my one of ...

Hello there. I'll begin with the nitpicks and then go on with the overall impression. He shoved me away and [color=#FF0000], [/color] mutter ing , “Sorry,” and ran up the ...

Hello Pink! So one more chapter... It was great by the way. I have to agree with Truth here. You have to have these "boring" spots (not really boring where ...

Hello girlwholived. I think that everyone already told you that this isn't a chapter, but rather a prologue. I have some definitions to clear it all up. :) Chapter: a ...

Hi there. :) They were the kind of best friend that would listen to each other when one of them calls you in the middle of the night to talk ...

Hi Dacoozed, I'll start with the nitpicks, and then I'll go on with the overall impression. You would think I was a sad kid if you knew my story, you ...

Hi Jas, So I thought it was awesome. The emotions in there... Well I'm just going to say that it made me feel like I was the one who was ...

Hi there. Okay, first off, the others seem to have noticed everything that was wrong, except maybe a little thing. “Feisty,” I can smell his breath now which is filled ...

Hi there. :) So everyone already pointed pretty much everything that I saw or bothered me. I quickly looked away in an effort to make the situation less awkward. This ...

Love it! And I can't wait to read Torment... It was amazingly well written. I didn't like Daniel either, but that's what the author wants us to fell. :) -Other ...

Hello there. :) Welcome to YWS! hope you like it. First off, I really liked your short story, yes it's short, but isn't what a short story's supposed to be? ...

Hi there! :) Okay, so I can see that you break your sentences sometimes... And some sentences that could use coma's. “Its fine, I wouldn’t want to miss it for ...

Hi Truth! First, the nitpicks, and then the overall impression... Okay? :) He sighed. “Then Kaylee will do it to . Go! Start now”. To here, should be too. Some ...

Hi there. :) So I'll begin with nitpicks, and then go on with the overall impression. Starting Startled , Sasha raised her eyes to see a princely face inches away ...