sparrowrules

That was great. I loved your use of descriptive words. Without dreams; without a heart With no sense of cold and warmth, Not able to speak; not able to smile... ...

That was really good! I could feel the tension and the sadness. I would say (as the above poster said) to add structure and punctuation. I feel that could really ...

That was so emotional. You're very talented at getting what you want out in a short amount of time. You picked a good emotional subject. I think it would make ...

Wow! That was incredible! I felt like crying during some part of it! This is an AMAZING start. It was very... refreshing. Your grammar and spelling was very good. I ...

That was great! It was very suspenseful. I am interested in reading more. Tips: Add more description. Make everyone who reads your story feel like they are in the girl's ...

Well, that was.. interesting. I was pretty confused at the beginning. If I were you I would make the story more clear. Maybe you could explain more of why this ...

I believe that this poem has great potential! Just keep working at it a bit. I agree with the above post that it does seem a bit childish at some ...