silentpages

A few spelling/punctuation errors. 'Out of anger' Wait, why is she angry? She may be embarrassed, ashamed, worried, mortified... But what/who is she angry at? 'My book bag was yanked ...

Oh! You said someone else wrote this? Okay, well... Either pass this on or use it yourself, I guess. XD 'The sun was just beginning to set as I was ...

'Slowly I sat up, holding my aching head. I felt as though it had been slammed against a rock twenty times, and the rest of me didn't feel much better. ...

Hey! I saw you talking about this on the forums and thought it looked interesting, so when I saw it on the homepage, I decided to check it out. :) ...

This is interesting, and I kind of liked it... I didn't notice a whole lot of errors - maybe one or two here and there, but nothing big... It's a ...

Okay, so I had never heard the word 'tippled' before? I looked it up, and these are the definitions I found. area near the entrance of mines which is used ...

Re-posting my comment because the one I commented on was the double-post. XD Thought I noticed two threads... Definitely morbid, but is there really such a thing as 'too' morbid? ...

'He was now twenty-three and he possessed the family company valued to billions. He lived in a big loft, alone. He lost all his friends due to his overwhelming dark ...

Prolouge should be prologue. XD 'had it's advantages.' its. Aw, they're adorable! >.<

It's not bad in all aspects! This is actually quite intriquing! You've left me wondering if the fantasies she remembered were real or imagined, if her father is REALLY her ...

Not bad... I'm definitely interested... Could use a little polishing, but for the most part this is good. ^^ A few things I noticed: Some punctuation errors... I'd proofread a ...

'shaking form the effort' From. ;) 'cooped within the tiny walls of the city.' Cooped up? Flying with thousand-year old wings? o.o Safety Hazards!!! Love the description of the plane! ...

'His most notable feature was how short he was. Despite that he had been leading groups of adventures to Vestige Caverns for years, and was the best at what he ...

I agree with pretty much everything the other commenters said, along with a few suggestions of my own. 'In the days before humans roamed the earth,' What roamed the earth ...

Not bad so far, and I think I'm gonna read more. ^^ I liked how you showed us the characters' personalities right away, and I can't wait to see more ...