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Re: Clandestine Cleanup
Ok, cool. I'm not sure if this qualifies as a mystery but that's beside the point. In the 8th paragraph, it should be " He tries the door knob: locked." ...
Jan 20, 2015 -
Re: At the Throat of the World
I LOVE IT! Big Skyrim fan. few things though, there aren't any grammar or spelling that I found but I want more details. Think if someone hasn't played the game. ...
Jan 13, 2015 -
Re: Dark Turning Chapter One : Children
Alright, I love this. I'm a huge Greek mythology fan. This is really cool for a first chapter. Alright, down to the bad stuff. Ok, "No I got away" She ...
Jan 5, 2012 -
Re: My Precious, Kidnapped part 1
Well, I don't think you should've done it in script. Theres not enough detail. We don't know how she feels when she see's her sister, what her sister looks like. ...
Dec 6, 2011 -
Re: Broken Wings
Ok. For a short piece this is pritty good. But not perfect, not yet. First, I'd like to know when the story takes place. Long ago, in the future, that ...
Dec 3, 2011 -
Re: Like a Phoenix, She Rises
This is a cool piece. But where is this guy? Why is he trying to smash a concrete wall with is bare hands? It needs some bachground. Who is they? ...
Dec 3, 2011 -
Re: Short Action Scene
Ok. This is very good. I get that it's supposed to be short, but why are they fighting? What army is Dren a part of? It needs some background. Another ...
Dec 3, 2011 -
Re: Valkyrie Chapter 1
Believe it or not I could not find a single thing wrong with this. It's an awsome piece. I loved the prolog but I wanted to at least get the ...
Sep 21, 2011 -
Re:
This is very cool. Kinda like Eragon and The Vampire's Assistant. There were only two things I found wrong with this. You should discribe her in the begining. Does she ...
Sep 21, 2011 -
Re: Enchanted
Alright. Well I'm not a big witch fan but I like this a lot. My only problem is at the begining. I didn't know who was talking, where they were, ...
Sep 13, 2011 -
Re: This Isn't Me--Part One
not a big fan of this type of thing. Not the gay thing. Its just too real for me. But it was a good piece. All I could find was ...
Sep 11, 2011 -
Re: Under the Ground- Ch. 1
This is good. It reminded me of insidious. The one thing I found was at the begining. Give a bit more detail about where he was. Did they have a ...
Aug 30, 2011 -
Re: Piper
You are definately descriptive in this. I like this a lot. the only thing i found was at the end. It said about a black wolf with blue eyes then ...
Aug 30, 2011 -
Re: Winged Chapter the First
This is very good. I love it. the only thing I found was that u don't rly get to know what she looks like. All I found was she has ...
Aug 30, 2011