sargsauce

All in all, what you have here is a journal entry, not a story. Unfortunately, we're looking for a story here: exposition, conflict, resolution. But all you have here is ...

Well, since I don't understand much in the way of plot from this little bit, I'll focus my comment on voice. Indeed, the syntax is odd, but not unwelcome. There's ...

Dialogue punctuation. Proper punctuation for dialogues goes like this (and using your single quotation mark, instead of my usual double): 'This is dialogue,' he said. 'And this is dialogue!' she ...

I'm going to focus on nitpicks, because there are a lot of little things that we need to work through before we get to the grander scheme. The nights stride ...

So color me confused. Your general narration (that is, when you discuss exposition and the narrator's thoughts and personality) is quite good. When talking about the grandma, the narrator's hobbies, ...

So what's there to say? Hmm...probably not too much. This is a very good, thoughtful piece, laden with emotion. Each sentence reads like a sleepy memoir or a wistful epitaph. ...

Aww. The emotion was very good. My 16-year-old cat (known for 15 years) died about 4 years ago. I was away at college at the time, but my dad told ...

Very good writing here, sir. The first paragraph is solid. Establishes mood, the narrator's state of mind, and--even with just that one, first sentence--we're given some insight to "the girl." ...

Ha HA! Fantastic. It's so wild yet so dark, it's like Grimm's Sci-Fi Fairy Tales. anything is possible with enough time and resources. Then he invented his Matter Converter, and ...

The descriptions are good and thorough, but it often feels like you're describing the same thing or the same kinds of actions, that it begins to feel redundant and like ...

Until I met her I was the kind of guy to roll down his window and start yelling at the other drivers for not driving the way I wanted them ...

May I give an "in-summary" review instead of 10 little ones? 1) Use contractions more. It's really jarring when they're intense or panicking and they say, "We will do this" ...

First: Dialogue punctuation. Check out this website. It pretty much contains everything you need to know about punctuating dialogue properly. Go back through and find any and all instances like: ...

Pretty goood. Pretty good. *clicks follow* Some general comments. 1) I know it might be because we only know as much as the main character, but I just feel like ...

Just going to give my overall thoughts and impressions, because line-by-line, the story arc is good. I do enjoy the ending very much, how their grudge manifests into wrestling over ...