sargsauce

Good stuff. Paced and pensive. I can appreciate the truth of the whole thing. But while it was showing that his feelings came full circle and repeated themselves and established ...

Quite entertaining. Reminded me of Animal Farm , just a bit more--shall I say--passionate? The story and premise and your direction are good. Wording like this: First, the cheers begin, ...

Curious! One thing, before I forget, is that the number changed here. And he said it that way, too. I didn't miss anything did I? It was a queer moment, ...

Soooo...now what? Is this just a campfire story? Or will there be more? The words are okay, but it's so quick and cursory that we don't even know what your ...

Hellooo!!! I was perusing the novels and found this! I just read all 5 chapters in one go. Overall great stuff, really. The macabre parts are dark and Victorian (pun?), ...

I like your intention; the subject matter is delicate and the situation is appropriate. I like your emotion; the character seems like a lost puppy. I like the character; for ...

Well, you haven't given us much so far, but as you write this, you must consider what a poetry format offers us that a prose format cannot. Why did you ...

There there, dasiamari. Tinny's point is valid. We come to the forum expecting to read a story. Or, in the event that the story is not finished yet, at least ...

Your writing is pretty good. It's thoughtful, developed, and paced. You give us insight into the narrator at appropriate points. One major point: Do away with extraneous wording. The worst ...

So umm....what? Not sure how to take this story. "The killer disease?" "The bad cells dominated his whole body?" "He did some physical tests to examine his health?" Events happen ...

It's all right. But the major driving force of flash fiction is the pointedness of the writing. The sharp stake that delivers the message and theme and all of it ...

she strolled over. Shannon settles in a stool beside him. Right between those, you switched tenses. Watch out for that. Either make everything before that present or everything after that ...

It was a well-written piece, but lacks anything that drives it forward. Eavesdropping on normal children talking is not really the most compelling literary device, and, told second-hand, comes across ...

First thing's first. Proofread. Before you do that, you'll need to brush up on a few rules. Dialogue punctuation and capitalization. Read this over: Then see how it applies to ...

So, on a site for young writers like this, we have seen people committing suicide countless times. Jumping, cutting, guns, etc. Even more, almost all of these stories are comprised ...