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Re: I am the Apple
Haha! Love it. Shows us that you don't need big words and long statments to come up with a very meaningful poem. The images are crisp and clear--you can almost ...
Mar 2, 2011 -
Re: Agápe
This poem is very, very promising. I’m careless now: I tilt to kiss your lips, - what is "I'm careless now" for? Though mine are pale and dry like riverbeds ...
Oct 26, 2010 -
Re: Clusters of Seashells
There are a couple parts I think need fixing... Let me know what you think! He smiles, teasing, albeit flushed, the corner of his mouth twitching, afraid he might be ...
Oct 26, 2010 -
Re: Graffiti Eternal
Hi Coral! I love how you're always indirect in your poems. This one had me thinking. My 2 cents: Version 2 Graffiti stamped walls - should be hyphenated sent love ...
Oct 23, 2010 -
Re: The Smile
You followed the Shakesperean sonnet rhyme scheme, rhythm, and meter. There are times when the iambic pentameter is a bit off (lines 2 and 4, etc.) but I suppose that's ...
Oct 23, 2010 -
Re: ...
I'm sorry if this is a bit harsh, but I mean well. This is an online workshop after all. I agree with carbonCore. The imagery in the first stanza was ...
Oct 23, 2010 -
Re: At the Louvre
At the Louvre He curls over my body and inspects my sin. Oh baby don’t worry, I can fix you. When we cut off your arms, you can be Venus ...
Oct 22, 2010 -
Re: Elephant in the Sky
So this is actually kind of a personal memory- something I VERY rarely write. But here it is- I dunno if it fully makes sense to other people though. Well ...
Oct 22, 2010
