possibleintrovert

I like it actually. I think that you should add a little more description. Make me feel her fear and confusion. Make me feel like I'm also being gagged. Sorry ...

Remember: Its going fast because its a short story.

Sorry for all the weird tense changes! I will be going through all my other chapters to fix them all.

This is really good. Lengthy, but captivating. You have a habit of using fragments, I can tell. That's alright, J.D. Sallenger uses them too. But be sure to use them ...

I'm not sure if you understand how good you are. I beg you to not ignore this talent.

"No one to interupt this important task" --- I wouldn't have put this in the dialogue. It's a more matter of fact tone and I bet you're aiming for a ...