pixels

I can tell you’ve put a lot of effort and energy into this story. You’re going for something intense, dramatic, and emotionally charged. That’s a bold idea to write for, ...

he is the referent / of a haiku – Right away, this line lands for me. It sets up a relationship of distance between the narrator and the man of ...

I'll admit that I am not a big DC fan, but it is so interesting to read fanfiction -- there is something neat about how other people interpret a universe. ...

Yippee!! Another chapter :p I really love how much heart and texture you’ve built into this moment between Carris and Gwyn, especially following the emotional blowout with her mother. It ...

The first thing that caught my attention is that the voice is young in an intentional way. Not immature, but full of confusion and that strange nostalgia that comes after ...

You nailed the tone! This isn’t the voice of someone hoping to be seen or understood, it’s someone who already knows they’ve won. It is hard to balance that kind ...

This is so full of chemistry! Right off the bat, your characters feel like real people. Bea and Lucien are so vivid. It's not just in how they speak, but ...

Nature evolved hair, not brush, This is such a powerful line! It reframes what might seem like a small rebellion as something elemental. Hair becomes a stand-in for bodily autonomy ...

I'm back! “I’d challenge any one of our countrymen to take issue with me trying to rescue my father.” This is a great mission statement. You're not making Devlin a ...

From the opening moment, it's obvious that the narrative is unstable. I love that, and that kind of meta-awareness works! The choice to frame the narrative as diary entries to ...

The atmosphere is working overtime here! That makes it better when Kenway and Reginald actually find something. That buildup of doubt, hardship, and isolation makes the discovery feel earned. The ...

Quotidian is a perfect word for this! I wake to last night's sadness curdled in its glass... Immediately, I’m drawn in! I see that you're showing coping mechanisms as both ...

I write mostly essays, so it's cool to review one! The South was the central largest and powerful slave society that the modern world has known… You’re not shying away ...

This feels like the beginning of something larger! I would love to read this as a longer novel! I can immediately feel like I am put into the world. And ...

Going into this blind since this is from last year?! That's a shame! :0 I see that what you're doing thematically is very effective. The moral ambiguity surrounding "the Evil" ...