pettybage

Hi, this is what I did with my morning tea, as mechanical feedback; nice story, keep writing. “THE EXAM IS OVER. STUDENTS, PLEASE PUT YOUR PENS DOWN,” said a voice ...

I certainly like both the 'grim' and 'brutish' and the passive voice - it all throws me back to the olden titans of fantasy - Howard, Wagner, Moorcock, but it ...

Hi, Page, this is a fine concept in the Stine tradition, it's shorter than it should be - there's material here for a 5-6K story, and you're compressing it all ...

Haha, I really liked that season piece - stumbly at places, yet evocative. Were I your designated editor, I'd have proposed something along these lines Snow is falling lightly, softly ...

Hi, BerlynnRae, This seems like a nice start of a teen adventure, possibly in a Stine vein – I can imagine ghosts and stuff. Sentences and word choices are midway ...

Good grief, this has serious potential! Keep pounding away at the craft. 1. Your timeline is a bit dodgy: he kills his sister; he becomes a serial killer hermit bum, ...

Hi, just technical feedback from me. I think you see some details as unimportant, as did I at one point, but when trying to teach oneself to write quality fiction, ...

Well, that was fun. Who's been breathing the ether again now? :) Here are my thoughts and suggested tweaks: I don’t see a need for quotation marks neither for “disturbed ...

This was a very good story, with strong characters and a quality story-arc from start to finish. Nice open-ended finish. Gordon the fisherman needs to be described, to be given ...

Hi Idraax, I liked the overall scene quite a lot. The understated emotion, the subtle language puns. She wipes liquid up, he wipes liquid up; this has a balance, though ...

Yo, this is a good intro for a story, although a bit lacking in descriptions for my taste (although lots of stellar authors like Terry Pratchett, Kevin J Anderson and ...

Just to add that I too felt like I was reading a story from a "famous story" collection. Bravo! One thing - when the dude discusses abortion with the brain ...

Oh my God, I love the rhythm of your poem. It never misplaces a step, and every line contains important info. It reminded me in fact of the ancient ballads ...

Hi, Locked Library, this is a very very nice story so far. The main wobbly thing I notice is the character's POV, which is very feminine, as revealed through his ...

Yo, this story is in a genre which I really don't sympathize with, but as an amateur to an amateur, here are three examples of prose that I though need ...