perdido

once i played piano for constellations, spread apart like sheet music there's great potential here for something great, I like the idea of a constellation or a star map to ...

you can get a copy online, also it isn't an easy book... it's an ambitious read for a 14 year old but don't be discouraged! I was probably about your ...

I think you can definitely get rid of the first two ands, I don't know the flow is a bit choppy I think it may have something to do with ...

overall pretty decent. I think it's a little cumbersome in a lot of places, like Penguin said above, could use some cutting back, some condensation. Try to eliminate passive voice ...

I didn't like the spacing of the word between. It came off as.... too obvious? maybe. This poem is a skeleton, it seems meandering and confused. It is defined by ...

its still cliche. you have not transcended any barriers and I found the poem to be pretty thoughtless. The line breaks are extremely tedious and I didn't like the way ...

I donno, I don't like it. The wording and flow are awkward at best, the content is snore-riffic, and I don't know, the use of adjectives just seemed obvious. Modifying ...

I don't know. Rhyming poetry never does it for me. Also the subject matter of this poem is so cliche and overdone... you should find a new avenue. Try sensory ...

When I was small, you showed the stars -- glittering eyelets against night's endless black sheet. It was then that I wondered what lied beyond what it would it would ...

ugh. The questions really bugged me. As a reader the whole time I was frustrated because I was like, I don't know. I don't know, I DONT KNOW OKAY. I ...

eh. The rhymes were too easy. Seriously, evergreen and green don't count as a rhyme. Not a fan of the archaic language, no one takes that seriously anymore. You won't ...

muscles chiseling at his face makes me uncomfortable. Why are his muscles doing that? Maybe phrase that differently. I like that it's in present tense. Gonna be honest, I got ...

eh. Not really a fan of the singsongy rhyme scheme. I guess I'm more of a fan of specific details and sensory information. All I get here is... there's this ...

this is a pretty strong piece, some suggestions I have involve: a) you don't have to capitalize the first letter of each line. Punctuate it the same way you would ...

I disagree with housecat's assertion that you have to wrap all the quotation in a single quotes. I read it as three separate statements that are not necessarily spoken by ...