perdido

it's like Dr. Seuss for mall tweens. I'm even picturing little illustrations to go with it. DON'T capitalize the first word of every line. I see you've gotten advice that ...

I don't like the old english. It has no place in contemporary poetry. Also I didn't like the rhyme scheme. It smothered the poem into oblivion. I mean even the ...

I like your nonchalant style. There's a sort of inner struggle going on in this piece that made me enjoy it. I'm not sure. The whole insistence that you aren't ...

I read the first stanza and just said aloud, what? Then i read it aloud and I don't know. It just doesn't seem to follow. But that's okay because the ...

I don't know, I just don't know if chinky is an appropriate way to describe his eyes. As a story, it is so incomplete that it's almost impossible to critique. ...

I don't like being told how to review :P the word deity seems to be misused? Either that or I didn't understand the line. Also I am unfamiliar with that ...

the song is by three doors down. How do I know that ? Because I once was in middle school. This is a highly sentimental piece that relies heavily on ...

I find this piece semi-impenetrable. It has the same cryptic flair that most of your work seems to have, everything coated in this enigmatic style that seems to border on ...

this is sort of epic, I... I like how blue this poem is, the atmosphere... it really creates this rainy miasma of ocean waves and brine. Its good that you ...

you don't need to modify shirt with "whiteness of." Also I didn't like the string of 'ing' words, and I didn't get the 'no less alien' line. 'Dark windows to ...

this piece shows impressive facility with language... almost reminds me of something I'd write ;). There are some great lines in here, tenor tills the tin... matte scene jury rigged ...

I don't know. It's okay, but it doesn't pack much of a punch. It is intensely personal, and I think the fact that I can tell from reading it may ...

I'm getting adjective / adverb overload. This is the problem when people only take a few minutes to write something. You may not think it shows, but it does. Take ...

no... the archaic words are not working. Write a contemporary poem for goodness sakes. And why is there a dash at the end of every line? Not necessary. I don't ...

the best one was the first and the last. The first because the seamless transition, the last because the effortlessness in which it was transformed. Fun exercise! Kind of reminds ...