napalmerski

Yo! It's a nice beginning. Others have already pointed out some issues concering technique, I'd only like to point out the word 'okey'. Unless the narataror is someone like us, ...

Yo! Just to say, that this is a very very good beginning. Good matter of fact descriptions laced with a little humor here and there, sounds almost pro. Also the ...

Yo, very very good begining! What strikes me imediately, is that almost nowhere does it feel as if you rushed things. Apart from her going to sleep and waking up:) ...

Yo! Here is a sentence - Glaring up at the harsh cerulean sky, shading his glinting emerald eyes, he gauged the time . - It's just right. Just right. For ...

Yo, just read the thing. First - you have a well stocked vocabulary, and attention to detail. Second - if there is a plot, which will unfold concerning Felix's gradnpa ...

Yo, a very nice classical romance fantasy begining. And was that evil stepmother appearing there for a second? Hehe. At times the the dialogue is a bit wooden, but that ...

Yo, First: very nice details of everyday life. Not the potatoes falling - that was a little cliche, no offence; but noticing how her mom starts fussing when her guests ...

I personaly love a good short story, or 'flash fiction'. Arthur Clarke and Ray Bradbury and many more of the old titans have writte very good super short stories. Speaking ...

Yo, this story has nice linear plot so far, nothing confusing, and hints of a world, which it would be fun to find out more about. Only one thing really ...

Yo! This was a charming first chapter. I notice from the inner dialogues of the heroine, that either your target group is contemporary high school girls, or the contemporary high ...

Hihi, what can I say? I've never liked this style of fantasy, and felt seriously repulsed when reading some pages of Stephanie Mayer's stuff, but although I am not a ...

Yo! I only saw two really awkward sentences in the whole text. The first one was alreayd comented upon, the second one is this: Rainer knew what she was thinking: ...

Yo, When Ijoined this site about a month ago, the first very important thing I learned, from the reviews (thax everyone!) is the 50 should be 'fifty', 12 should be ...

Yo, I've never read the Hunger Games, but I have seen Logan's Run... haha What I've read is quite fine, just a few minor things: 1. Did they really play ...

Yo, I found the story's begining quite plausable as sci-fi goes. The begining is dramatic, the waiting/bonding part is convincing. I've read some opinions, that the protagonist loosing his temper ...