napalmerski

Yo, I've written comedy scripts for TV for two years before quitting, and all the jokes we used were mind numbing cliches /we had to follow a certain matrix, as ...

Ah, a cliff hanger! Super! It started like something I hate, and I only read it because of the smooth flow of the narrative. Which is already a compliment - ...

Hey, this is exellent. Nice rhythm, got me interested imemdiately. Anyone with an attention span above that of a goldfish can go quickly through the whole thing if he/she is ...

Yo, lovely plot. Just to point out, that you don't have to describe who undresses what and how the stage is changed during lights out, what you have to desribe ...

Yo, what can I say? First, I notice that the main character is speaking directly to the audience, discarding the invisible wall. In the begining, in acts 2 and 3 ...

My life-changers /fiction/: 1. Anna Karenina, Tolstoy - a stylistic atom bomb, with the shattering attention to the most minute behavioral and psychological details, pioneered by Gogol and Lermontov,

Yo, I just made a few twiks to show where I think the rhythm of the style falters. Not how I think it should be written, its up to you ...

Hey, only a spouce who is in love with you will be able to follow these snipets :D You seem to be in dire need of feedback and motivation. I ...

Yo, I read this chapter, and it was a nice read. Gentle, steady rhythm, like a real published fantasy, which I would read in a book lying on the sofa ...

Yo, still bursts of very convincing style. At times a little over the top, like the house being empty like a seashell, but Ray Bradbury does that in every sentence ...

Yo, Call me Ishmael :D reads so far like a nice kid's story. Kid loves books, parents missing, CIA guardian angel (a sign of the times no doubt, good thing ...

Yo, that rather reads as a stream of consiousness :D Which I think you should be doing five years from now, after grasping and perfecting the basic rules, after the ...

Yo, I think the first part was great. I wouldn't add anything, and I wouldn't take away anything. The 'dirty little heathen' is fine, and throwing in 'Maria' is fine ...

A witch! A witch! Burn her, burn her! Hehehe The healing sequence reminded me in a way of the similar episode in the second Matrix, when Neo was healing Trinity, ...

Ha, Snoik, you caught the right faultline between the styles in the poem. I think Zenjoy is very much into music, some types of pop, alternative rock and possibly punk. ...