chapter three, rough draft.

by Wolf

Published January 7, 2010

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napalmerski
Review
napalmerski wrote a review Review · Jan 7, 2010

Yo,
still bursts of very convincing style. At times a little over the top, like the house being empty like a seashell, but Ray Bradbury does that in every sentence and gets away with it completely, so who am I to complain.
The receptionist sequence brought up two thoughts in me: one - a little more bluffing in the start of the inquiery please, makes me feel unsafe that receptionists give info so easily hehe; two, the lovely sentence in which she writes the number on her forearm and thanks the receptionist, has a flowing rhythm, but to finish it appropriately, she should then hung up the phone. You know - if its a 'describe the elements of the situation' sentence - take it to the logical limit.
Good budding use of metaphores :D



Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
— Mark Twain