napalmerski

Hey, excellent point of view spin from the high-tech inheritors to the crazed survivors! I think the descriptions are quite enough, maybe about 15% of people's faces and clothes missing, ...

For a moment there I thought the protagonist was a patient in a mental hospital, with the rambling about the fly and questions like 'how are they treating you here', ...

An old piece? Great, I'll treat it like it's brand new and you're actually going to edit it. I loved the emotional flatness of this piece. My style at its ...

Well, I just read the four chapters. Oh no, the dreaded inspirational fiction, argh, choke, zoink, hahaha. Themewise, this is probably the only thing which is further from my tastes ...

Yo, I don't do grammar and stuff, because I suck at it. I did notice various unstable tense-jumping and commas huddling in inappropriate nooks, but that's not my thing to ...

Yo, I just read the three chapters. A very pleasant and snappy three chapters. The rhythm of the narrative was disrupted only by Santo's lyricism, and I found it amusing ...

Haha, it's still unreadable, a line of empty space between paragraphs should do the trick, anyway, I pledge a review in the coming days, even if I have to copy/paste ...

Yo, here's my take on chapter 2. Now, I went for a more detailed approach here, so don't be disturbed when you see the mess I've made by my interference. ...

True about the wrong section, but as it's here...:) First, I have to say that the characterisation of dad was very well done - the elements of his former versus ...

Hey, well... There's lots of grammar stuff to do here, but I don't do grammar:) You'll probably see it all for yourself when you go through it with a clear ...

Yo, I don't do plot, grammar and characters, I do sentence structure and internal consistency. Here we go:) Quiet began to descend on the room, as the theater light slowly ...

Hey, an exellent little story. Really, once proofread and stuff, it'd be totally on a 'published in a collection' level. I've read stories like this - cool super-fast sci-fi - ...

Yo, the voice of your character rang totally true. His narrative is structured they way he chooses to and he sees himself the way he chooses to. The atmosphere is ...

Hey, very nice beginning of story. The relatively small size of this text allows it to be examined on a sentence by sentence basis instead of just overall impression. I ...

"cough", break up into paragraaaaaphs! :D Aaaaaargh :smt003