mikedb1492

I really liked this. You got my attention and held it, but I agree with pretty much all the corrections KJ said, especially the eye glistening thing. You've got a ...

Put a space between each paragraph and I'll review it.

Thanks for all the critics. Pickle810, thanks for those birthing tips. I truthfully don't know too much about it (obviously) and I don't know what I was thinking making a ...

Everyone else got everything I thought was wrong so I can't give you too many tips. All I can say is that this was well written. The ending was a ...

Pretty interesting. At first I thought this was a ww1 story since you talked about trench warfare, but I found out before too long. Overall it was pretty good, but ...

I like this. I could see this happening too. I don't know if you could continue this, though, since its just about Sirius eating an apple.

Wow. It's too short to give a good critique but overall your writing style and detail were quite good. Good job.

Well done. It's all true, of course. I myself am guilty of some of the beliefs you speak, but it's hard to help it at times. Anyway, this was good.

Thanks for the critiques. I fixed what you said, or at least I think I did. I'm not so sure if the new beginning is enough of an attention grabber, ...

Put a space between each paragraph and I'll review it.

I think its perfectly understandable. If I had a sister like that I'd do the same thing. I do hope you'll add the wrest of your story, but if you ...

Well.... I don't have much to say. It was too short for me to make much of a critique, but from what I read, I can tell you that you ...

Dang this was pretty cool. Sounds like a real Hell. So is this like a falling star or something? Anyways, I really liked it.

I decided to make this chapter shorter than the others just recently, so this parts really short. I'll be adding some of my previous post to this so its a ...

I read the other one before this but I don't think it matters. This one was pretty awesome too. You should definitely make more of these. Like the other one ...