lluvialover

I could tell right away who the narrator was, it's funny you ask to pm you if we guess who it is. It's too easy, which is a good thing. ...

Hi, This whole chunk bellow sounds like a poker player's blog. It's a very boring account about a game with a lot of numbers. It is quite hard to get ...

Nice poem, although it could use some improvement. "You recover and look up (there should be a comma here) the bright sun and cool breeze greets (should be "greet") you." ...

Hi. Overall I like this beginning so far. "He smelt like raw meet meat and body odor obviously masked a little by the stench of beer on his breath and ...

Hi Romeyo, Sounds like a corny song...with a bunch of rhyming phrases meant to seduce..ok..and? This needs some guitar jams to go with it, it would make a good rock ...

This introduction simply tells "I hated, I hated" but doesn't show exactly why she hates the farm. I can't understand why the character feels the way she does and so ...

Hi White Shadow, Yes this is very short, sounds more like a beginning of a chapter. I like the way you repeated "I ran", it gives a rhythm , similar ...

Hi Rascalover, This chapter is good and it sounds very realistic even though..I've never been pregnant lol One part seems to contradict itself. When you reveal Gary's thoughts, you say ...

I noticed that you have a lot of repetitions within the same sentence. As a general rule, don't use the same word at least in two sentences that are next ...

I agree with everyone else on here, I enjoyed the story too. Here are some of the mistakes I found. The red is the original, the blue is the correction. ...

This was a very unpleasant and vulgar story for me. I have trouble picturing Haley, is she a kid sister, a girl, or a woman? You keep on interchanging both. ...

There is one mistake I found "As I stared, the line between the night sky and the dark black sea became too blurred and soon I could not tell the ...

I like all of this celestial stuff. As I understood it, the planets were a metaphor for a longing to reconcile because of this pull towards each other, and the ...

Overall, I love this story's philosophical idea and the moral it teaches. As for grammar wise, you have a lot of awkward word orders. Some things I might have misunderstood ...

I like this poem but there is something that I just can't grasp. I know this poem is supposed to draw you in with its mystery but I think it ...