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I enjoyed reading this story because it's really touching. I notice that you use some Chinese phrases in your story. Is it that you want your reader to guess what ...

Hi iThyPillow! Well first, this poem looks like a short story. Maybe you should try to rearrange it into stanzas, e.g.: “So what’cha do when you called her, sir?”, inquired ...

Hi Teddybear22! Using the questions you've made throughout the poem (e.g. the wh-questions) is undoubtedly a good try. It makes the poem neat and easily readable. But what makes me ...

It's true what you've said in this poem. Your world of imaginations truly differs from others'. For example, never would I have imagined what Harry Potter and his friends would ...

Very inspirational! I spot a few minor mistakes (I guess, perhaps?) e.g. line 13 ... to dominate no "one" can stop us... / line 14 ... but we laugh "and" ...