Bright lights , city noises and endless amount of normal people .
I walk alone covered in my oversized hoodie , I walk ahead I never turn my head back I'm focused determined forceful even .
Shoulders bump into me , they whisper to me and some even try and knock me down .
But I can't hear or see them , I walk upright I fear nothing my crown covered waiting for the sun to come up so it can shine .
For now I let them whisper to me "You can't do it " "You're nothing , you'll never amount to anything " . Their voices are getting louder and louder seconds tick by my time is so close , my crown itching to come out and shine !
321 Boom ! I tear away my hoodie with it I unleash my power I let go of the pain , the voices , doubtful ness , fear and anything that prohibits me from shining .
As I glow I notice that I was never alone , stars like me rise up and we dominate what we were made to dominate no can stop us are light overpowers the darkness of the world .
The voices grow silent , they gaze upon us in fear and in awe , but we laugh say " Come join us we're waiting for you rise up and rule !"
We came together and light up a city , but we need to light up a nation , earth , continent , country , home and every single human being .- Regina Scriptor👑
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Very inspirational!
I spot a few minor mistakes (I guess, perhaps?)
e.g. line 13 ... to dominate no "one" can stop us... /
line 14 ... but we laugh "and" say
line 16 we came/come together and lit/light up the city
Your message is clear and the story is very intriguing. It's like the lyrics of an encouraging song that may keep us motivated for life. Good work!
Hi! I love the message in it. Pretty much inspirational, and realistic too. Though there are some few mistakes I'd like to highlight. Hope it sounds good.
I'd advice you to proofread your work before submitting. Also please check on your punctuation, quite a number of commas missed their rightful place. For example, '...I let them whisper to me, " You can't do it"...'. Otherwise, good work!
Hi Kimmiiee,
Very inspiring piece, motivational and symbolic.
A few things you can improve about it are:
- Punctuation. Make sure the punctuation is not spaced out from the last word. e.g. "nation , earth , continent , country , home and every single human being ." instead, "nation, earth, continent, country, home and every single human being." You have done this throughout the text which can make it q bit irritating to the readers eye. As a writer punctuation is key.
- Spell the words. In written work, we read. Write "321" as Three, two, one. Also, when writing words, space them out e.g 321 can be read as three hundred and twenty one because they weren't spaced out. So if you have to be numerical, use spacing appropriately as 3, 2, 1. That is why spelling it out makes it less confusing.
- I noticed that their is a name signed at the end so did you write this or you are just sharing it?
Great piece, motivational and inspiring. Keep writing.