kokobeans

I love this! You've really captured the characters and their personalities, as well as their relationship. You've also pulled of something that a lot of writers can never do - ...

'Michael Antonini stood in the midst of sunflowers with a gun to his temple.' Great introduction, I love the way you've instantly gave the main character a name, situation, and ...

I quite like this introduction, you've described the startling scene really well. I think leaving a lot of mystery around the main character and the specific details works well as ...

Short and sweet, this is a brilliant piece of writing. I really like your use of alliteration (I think that's the word). I don't really know what else to say, ...

I haven't read through this yet, so i shall post another comment when i do. At a glance, when you break a line to put speach, for example; ...they went ...

Some rhymes are hard to pull off because of accents, which people usually don't consider. It also depends on the readers own preferences. My assumptions are that Cade preferes perfect ...

Sorry for this. I hate giving short or bad critiques, but I have to agree. Your work in general is great, but this seems more depressive than effective. It lacks ...

I quite like the ideas in this piece. I like the way you've portrayed the characters mostly through the speach instead of dumping a character profile, it's an interesting technique, ...

I agree with the others that the spacing was... a really bad idea. The word 'Thanks' would be better as 'Thank you', otherwise it's demeaning the elegance of the poem ...

This is very cute. I think what lets you down a lot is that you constantly begin your sentences with 'I'. Also, the beginning - vocal overdose. For a piece ...

If it's any consolation - given a different meaning I quite like this poem. As I don't have a clue who Homer is, I looked at this as homer being ...

(This looks like fun) your name: (unknown) i am: creative and bright i wonder: what tomorrow will be like i hear: music everywhere i see: a world dancing i want: ...

I really like your ideas, I can't wait to find out what happens next. The only thing is that I'm interested to see the original. It seems like you've thought ...

This is brilliant, and very gripping. I love the way you've introduced the main character and his situation, the switching of opinions at the beginning works great. My only recommendations ...

This is a decent start, with a bit of work it could be brilliant. My suggestions: (sorry, there's a few things here) An extra line spacing in between paragraphs stops ...