joshuapaul

Wow. Very Orwellian. This is quite outstanding. I think I might go back and read the rest. Now for the bad stuff. You need to break up the paragraphs, as ...

Yeah, this is not my strongest chapter so I would really appreciate reviews. Madison My lips still tingled from that kiss last night. I got out of bed in a ...

Okay, so I read to the start of Rose and stopped because - it doesn't matter who wrote it and how good it is - I can't start a novel ...

Cliches, avoid them. This is good I haven't read the other chapters but you need to take care with your phrasing because it isn't unique, in general. The moment we ...

Roscrow had watched his men move the eggs one by one back to the tavern. They placed them with infinite care into a large, padded basket. With much effort, We ...

Okay I will be honest, I only read chapter 6. 1) It's too long and too far through for me to really understand the intricacies of the story itself. 2) ...

Can I say, briefly, that as an argument you succeed. As a general article you seem to fail. I say this because you present one side, you charge your writing ...

Okay, so here I am, as requested. I must say, I am glad I made it. So I will look at this the way I look at published work, I ...

I am a little reluctant to review this. You have had plenty of solid critiques from decent reviewers but you have only edited once? and it seems you haven't taken ...

Wha-? You're only 15 and you have a laptop? Jealous. Okay so there are a lot of things that need to be reworked here. For the most part the story ...

Come on guys judge everything on it's individual merit instead of firmly deciding ' This defies my set of beliefs - therefore it can't possibly be a credible, readable story.' ...

I'd forgotten how the bells sound in the morning. Not strong enough start, considering how short this is. I want to remember the first line when I finish. I don't ...

This needs a lot of work. Give it a good proof read, pick up little things like. friend friends and so on. There are plenty of little errors that kept ...

Like Sarge said there is something missing. I think he just about covered it all. But I will add, this would be much stronger if you saved the revelation of ...

This was good and funny DarthAJ. I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get to you for a review. I am exhausted so I will be brief. While ...