inktopus

Wow! Thanks so much for the review!

On the Yuni's speech patterns comment you made, she's not a native speaker (neither is Asha, actually) and she's a noble, so she hasn't really heard the language being spoken ...

Thanks for the review! About the setting: I've never been great about describing the setting when it isn't significant to setting the mood or is important to the plot. Not ...

I'm glad the emotional stuff seems all on track. Though I'm worried about pacing and all that, I think it will be less of a chore to add in later. ...

I just wanted to clarify everything. The High Mage is kind of like an elected official, he was appointed by other mages to his station, same with the council members. ...

Thanks for the review UFO! Asha is dark skinned, and I tried to make it as obvious as I could without screaming at the reader, but more detail could stand ...

Once you are older, you do gain the mental capacity to think for yourself, but when something has been impressed upon you from such a young age, it becomes very ...

As a non-Christian, I'm afraid I must slightly disagree with you on the fact the Christians are taught to think for themselves. I was born into a Baptist family, and ...

Thanks for the review! (I should get to your later today) I'm glad it was apparent that it was discrimination becuase I didn't want it to be super in your ...

This is some of the best I've seen from you in a while. Just wanted to say that.

It's a bit light for any novel that isn't some cheesy romance novel. I'd go with something different if I were you. It'd work as an okay placeholder if you ...

I think you could probably avoid a lot of it, and make the parts that are absolutely necessary very interesting. If you did make this a novel, I'd definitely adopt ...

On the title, I named the doc 'Aisha is Dead' but the title on the actual paper was different. I was kind of fond of the starkness of 'Aisha is ...

Thanks so much for the review! I do have word count restraints and a tiny bit of a freakout because I thought I had gone over when really it was ...

I think it is much improved, but very candid. I understand the need to make it sound like you are talking to her yourself, but it is unpolished. Overall, I ...