gyrfalcon

A trickle of water dripped upon the stone, echoing through the prison. What echoes through the prison? Specify. An odour trailed in through the cell bars, passing under Seridon’s nose. ...

Short and sweet, love. I agree with Firestarter in regards to the repetition of "let's leave," but you have great word images and even a little alliteration, which makes bird ...

A very intriguing start you have here darling, and it definitely hooked me in and kept me reading. One piece of advice I'd offer, and I'm sure you've heard this ...

Incredible, darling, and moving. The most impressive part, at least to me, was the way you managed to portray believable, even heart-breaking grief without being cliche or making your readers ...

Hmm, I'll admit I'm intrigued. You have a distinct style, darling, not many people can do that kind of wide-scope 3ed-person omniscient voice. One bit of advice--you might want to ...

Hey there, JuniorLegacy, and welcome to YWS! Like Sythe said, the Rules require you to do two reviews of other people's work before you post your own. If you have ...

I agree with Cade about being specific, and I also think that the line breaks, while good, could maybe use a little more work. A really great image, though, and ...

In spite of my blind eye, in spite of everything… this was home. I…wish I had something more constructive to say. I kept my eyes peeled, I really did, but ...

against the grey of smoke. I know what you mean, but still, I'd nix "of," it just throws off the rhythm. others will light like butterflies on the trees, brushing ...

think these remote feelings towards my husband. How do “think” feelings? Wouldn’t you feel feelings? He had never hit me, he’d only ever cursed at me once, he’d cheated numerous ...

A very intriguing beginning, darling--I must say I'm rather hooked. Just a couple minor points: Each step he took squished from his wet shoes and splashed with each puddle he ...

A very well-constructed paper, darling, but if I may ask, what is your purpose in writing it? Most if it is material we've all heard before (and I won't go ...

1. Yes, I could tell it was a she right away and she seemed pretty darn realistic. If it were me, I might play up the "I can't believe this ...

Beautiful, darling. This is my first introduction to your characters (though of course I've heard of Regan) and you do them beautifully. The description of Gin was especially realistic and ...

You know, I consider myself both unfortunate and stupid to no have had a greater exposure to your writing, but if this is to be my introduction it's quite a ...