flytodreams

For some reason, everyone I know who's read this book, has read it in the 4th or 5th grade. I read it last year, and read it again some weeks ...

Aveyond never heard of it. anyway. Great plot, great story wow. Rhen swung her arm out of Lila grip and marched up to Lars. "Not a go Lars sighed and ...

Yep. Space between the paragraphs. It makes everything much easier to read. Describe some more. This was so rushed. Some more description would improve it so much more. Good work ...

I'm back, now for the rest of the critiquing: Her vision had cleared not only like the red she had see before. Her vision had cleared; there was no more ...

Mayve I could change the opening to like explain their lives or something, maybe use it as a prologue? Yeah, that would be good. But don't make it too boring, ...

Yep, I love that game! Hence the inspiration for my character name, Rhen. :D

Underneath all the ripping-off is an okay book. I'm not a big fan of Inheritance , but the first book was okay. The second book, not so much. Way too ...

I'm terrible at reviewing, so, obviously, I couldn't see anything wrong with this. It was dark and really haunting. Good job! I'd like to see more.

I agree with the above critiques. Otherwise, the story was pretty good! :)

The prologue was amazing! You have a great writing style, and the end was really suspenseful. Keep writing, this was really good! :D

It's really nice! Please continue more of it soon.

It was well-written, but a little boring. Nothing fantasy happens in this part. I take it the fantasy element will come in the next part?

Wow, I liked this chapter very much, especially the description. I'm guessing the raven-haired woman wasn't the main character? Very interesting chapter! Please continue it.

Yes to all your questions except the last two. First chapter is finished, but I want to change it, it's wayyyy too...yuck.

Thanks! :D Jerita - No, Snow White doesn't have anything to do with the story. Thanks for the critique! I'll fix all that. Magicman - That's very encouraging, thank you!