emotion_less

Is this a song you made, or one you found funny? If it's the latter, then it's not allowed here.

Thanks for the comments guys. I really appreciate it.

Heh... Thanks. I thought if I used second person it would 'scare' the reader a little more. Did it work? :?

Work on grammar and spelling. Also, try to describe a little more; this was pretty rushed because of that. Honestly, it was kind of dull. Try to spice it up ...

I thought it was a little rushed, but I really liked it. Nitmerrin, as a character, annoys me, but that's just because of the way you had him be. It's ...

The hole in their soul. This made me giggle... I liked the first stanza and the last lines, but the stuff in between could use some work. Like Snoink said, ...

I thought this was really interesting. You should definitely continue... The only part I started to have a problem with was the whole Eddie/King thing. Maybe I just misread something ...

Okay. Thanks for the comments.

Thanks for the suggestions and comments. I'd like to know... Is the fourth stanza out of place? Really would like some more feedback to this. Thanks in advance.

I agree with what the others have said so far. It seemed much more like a cute little poem that you read in chain letter emails...

The ending made me sad :(, but yeah, nice job.

A bit grotesque, not that that is bad. Chilling... reminded me of a book I read recently. I must say it... I really liked it, especially the third and fourth ...

It was a little hard to read, but I liked it once I figured out how it was supposed to be read. With its infernal, hated pounding in my mind, ...

There were some spelling errors and the rhyme was a bit weird, but it was simple in a way that made you like it. Basically whatever Boni_Bee already said.

Whoa... Amazingly good... I liked this a lot. I don't really have much else to say...