emotion_less

Hi. I'm Janice. Not a particularly interesting beginning. I'm probably biased, though, because I don't like stories that start with and introduction right away. My friends and I were sitting ...

All right. I might seem really picky and not right with my critique but here it is... She didn’t have to wake up for a whole other hour. I think ...

You speeded through a great deal of the character's life, so the reader has no connections with the character. I suggest rewriting this again, making more detail in each event ...

"Instead I find a sleeping world " Shouldn't it be "I found a sleeping world"? The poem was kind of short, but it still seemed complete. I thought the shortness ...

"All becomes nothing and nothing becomes you " Maybe you could break this line up. It's really up to you if you want to keep the pattern there, but I ...

Wow. The two poems are like laced together... yeah... I liked the way you wrote this, especially the first half of it. I think you used root "comrad" too much. ...

It seemed like you just wanted to let your feelings go. This was evidently a release. It was really "I feel really bad right now and nobody cares and I ...

"so if you are wondering how much i love you " Maybe you could just have "if you are wondering how much i love you." Nice. Sorry, I can't find ...

It's a good concept. There's not really anything I would change about it, except, next time, could you not capitalize all your letters in your title? It really didn't seem ...

Interesting. It's a new perspective (for me, anyway). "I kept my hands folded in front of me; in what I admit was an attempt to stop them from fidgeting. " ...

I didn't particularly like the rhyming. The rhyming made the poem fast, and I don't think this poem needs to be fast. If you don't want to change the rhyming, ...

I really liked it, especially the last line. The only thing that sort of bugged me was: "You wonder where that summer went. " I don't know. It seemed kind ...

Your grammar was on and off throughout the whole thing and you had some typos. "I would seize to exsist" I believe you mean "I would cease to exist ." ...

"As im sure you've heared by now... you're considered almost to the end of your rope. " Maybe you should just take out this whole part. It was a bit ...

"but everyone just averts their eyes, scratches the back of their hands. " I don't think you should have a separate stanza just for this. You should add it to ...