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by Snoink

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you
Tie it up in chains, hold it tight
Grip it down with all my might
Knuckles white, chest is heaving
Grunt and sweat trickles down
My face and enters in a pool
Where the rainbow is trapped and
There you are, your smiling face
Staring me down with forgotten grace
Till eventually
All becomes nothing and nothing becomes you
And suddenly I see
That a friend who is best is not there at all.

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685 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 685

Mon May 23, 2005 3:02 am
Rei says...

Not sure I really got it. I often miss what really good poetry is about, but I enjoyed reading it. It sounded very nice.

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3821 Reviews

Points: 3891
Reviews: 3821

Mon May 23, 2005 1:45 am
Snoink says...


I suppose it is a corny line, but I took the first two lines from a "friendship" spam email and then gradually transformed it into something really... dark. I wanted the lines you mentioned to mimic the forced writing of those emails until it dissolves into chaos.

And I'm glad the rest of you enjoyed it. :D

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196 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 196

Mon May 23, 2005 1:39 am
Shriek wrote a review...

Oh wow. I really like this--I can relate to it so well.

I was very shocked when these lines:
surfaced. Because I'd expected something pleasant--you're giving them a rainbow, afterall! But the betrayal, hurt, and hostility all became evident within the last few lines. I especially liked this line:

"All becomes nothing and nothing becomes you..."
It took me awhile to get, but once I did, it became a very vivid image in my mind--puddle and all concerned. My apologies that I'm not much of a poet and therefore, can't give your poem the review it deserves. But I very much enjoyed it. It was very different and unique from any poetry I've read thus far.

Excellent job. ^_^

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Points: 1078
Reviews: 333

Wed May 18, 2005 7:45 pm
emotion_less wrote a review...

"All becomes nothing and nothing becomes you "

Maybe you could break this line up. It's really up to you if you want to keep the pattern there, but I think the poem would look better that way.

I liked those two lines that Chevy mentioned. It seemed very sarcastic and added to the poem's tone. Or maybe that's just me... Anyway, nice job.

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665 Reviews

Points: 6165
Reviews: 665

Tue May 17, 2005 2:57 pm
Chevy says...

"Tie it up in chains, hold it tight
Grip it down with all my might"
Was a little irritating.

Overall, this poem was very dramatic. I loved the last line.

You have light and peace inside you. If you let it out, you can change the world around you.
— Uncle Iroh, Avatar the Last Airbender