dragonfphoenix

Knight Dragon, here to review (post Review Day)! Which foot and meter were you going for with this? Iambic tended to surface a bit, but it wasn't consistent. The rhythm ...

Knight Dragon, here to review on this wonderful Review Day! Fair warning, I'm coming into this without (so far as I know) having read any of the earlier chapters. So ...

Knight Dragon, here to review on this glorious Review Day! Haha, wow, that was...different. In a good way. One major recommendation would be to go back over all the dialogue ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Far off from all the excitement, was a lone trailer Extraneous comma. Also, a note on your verb. That "was" is pretty weak. You could ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! The blonde girl was wearing a short black latex dress with a nice cleavage, short black latex gloves and knee high black leather boots. Which ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Well done on the technical. Mechanically, this piece is solid, and nothing sticks out. Also, good job on defining terms. For those not familiar with ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Wow, feel the character shift. Jacob goes from being completely reluctant to talk, to major dialogue. I'd recommend laying off the chatter, or at least ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Oi, that opener. I know you're probably trying to go for an effect, but with all those things linked together like that, I'm just waiting ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Wow. That's...well, that's your style, I guess. I'll touch on that in a moment, but first a few minor things. A small smile pulling at ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Okay, so I'm coming into this having skipped the prologue (based on the note that this is where the 'real' story begins). Quick note on ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Wow. First thing that pops out at me is the brick of text I'm staring at. Did you post this from something other than a ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! Technical: paranoia infecting every thought like a cancer Minor thing, but I'd advise dropping the "a" in front of cancer. It flows just a little ...

Knight Dragon, here to review! ...Wow. That was an info dump of names. You could have just said "planned to meet up with his friends" and then introduced the characters ...

Knight Dragon, here to review a fellow tribute's entry! My eyes fixated on the cornucopia You might want to truncate "fixated" to fixed, or change it to focused. Fixated just ...

Knight Dragon, here to review a fellow Tribute's entry! (Go D.2!!!) Alas, it seemed my dream would forever remain unfulfilled You mention a dream first here, but never really explain ...