dommy65

Hey Well i'm not going to repeat all the little mistakes I found because Avens Dolor already pointed them out. I thought the story was told well, it had a ...

Hey, unsterblichkeit36, This was good. I only caught a few mistakes: “Oh yes please. Amelia might try to convince you that she doesn’t need “swimmies” in the pool, but she ...

Aw man you did it again! This chapter was great! I love the interactions between Isaac and Sophia, and I am really glad that you made Isaac embarrassed, it's a ...

Wow. This was amazing. I loved how you incorporated poetry into the piece, it fit very well. Let's just get the little things over with now, shall we? The beating ...

Hey! Welcome to YWS! Okay so after you make sure your ratio is all set I strongly suggest that you post more of this. I thought it was really good, ...

Okay so you've definitely have talent for this sort of thing. It was really good, a little confusing at parts but still really good. I just got really ridiculously confused ...

Hey, SASSYLADY333, So I've been reading these chapters and decided to add my critique to this chapter because it's the most recent. In all four of these I've only seen ...

Hey, kristiecoo13, This was a really cool idea, and it was executed nicely. The only thing I would suggest is to maybe add more descriptions and feelings. Like instead of ...

I can't tell you how much I like this story! I'm kind of a vampire loving chick haha. Any way I couldn't find any mistakes or anything this is such ...

All I can say is this was sweet! I really liked the paragraph formation actually. I thought it made the reader a little uncomfortable, it really exhibited the emotions of ...

I think for this story you could go with writing it either in the present or past tense, but I would chose past. Some words you used made it sound ...

Hey, Ashley! Okay so I really liked this chapter. Great description, and you really showed how close each of the characters are to each other. The rest of the weekend, ...

Hey, First thing I liked the first half a lot, the second didn't do it for me. I liked the reaction from the older sister but your m.c and the ...

I liked this story a lot. It's great especially for your first shot at writing. The only thing I would suggest is watching your commas and periods, and there were ...

I really liked this, the rhythm was great and it seemed like it could be the lyrics of a song. Kind of Bob Dylanesque if you will. It was really ...