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My problem with this is too many cliches it like an overload of cliches. Also i agree with Crysi the rythem is hard to keep up with. In between welcome ...

This is okay but i think the last four lines should be one or two lines. I'm no good at being critque, but this poem has too many stops i ...

Really i didn't like this. It was realistic i admit, but really it was just not something i read unless someone requested it.

LMAO man that is classic heh glad i'm not on same journey as you i'd go go insane hearing that over and over and over and over ect...

That is so great i love the games but second one better than third. Cool if you did anymore i'd read them.

Great story can't wait too read next only problem i had was reading chaspter three before that great but chapter three i got all confused maybe it me.

Heh Incan will love it heh. :D

Yay i mentioned heh and like how you made that comment about me member everyone wants to shoot heh. Keep it up i'm enjoying this yay i'm mention :D.

This poem is great Jester i love the ending so true so true. Great job anyway i agree though brother bit repeated try something different great job again.

That good tis morbid , but wonderful imaiginarry i love you so much. Erm it sounds more like a song truth be told good poem darling.

Yeah i've never really thought about that but it true cause i'm a rebel and if that ever happens then that will true heh good poem like it.

Heh i love that i especially love the part about the Ninjas heh that made me laugh. A few mistakes here and their but overall good.

Tim you are bloody great at writing songs i'm trying to write my first Anti Government one. God i envy you keep it up. Druid part did seem a bit ...

This is morbid, but it suppouse to be. It very good it got very strong imagary and I very strong. I can clearly all see this and it was wrong ...

Sorry if i had known about this i would have reviewed it sooner i read your other one and throughly enjoyed it. This is great can't wait for chapter 2. ...