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Re: Happy Endings are for Fairytales
For a minute i thought Clown was going to kill himself in front of everyone and god I felt his sorrow making that speech and being laughed at. A Carny ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: When Bugs Conquered
Hmm I liked this a bit reminds me of some of my earlier writing, I once wrote a version of three little pigs which made wolf sound good. Okay I'm ...
Oct 19, 2007 -
Re: Delete
This is one of the best things I've read on YWS and way it's written is so expertly making clever refrences. The refrences make it funny. I saw nothing majorly ...
Sep 30, 2007 -
Re: Calik
I liked this one thing bothers me, he's known as the blackman halfway through then suddenly Calik it would be better if someone said his name. Also your telling instead ...
Sep 21, 2007 -
Re: Vampires
Just to tell you, line spacing ain't a requirment in poetry, another I can tell you either brillant or dumb poems that are funny have alot of work on them. ...
Sep 5, 2007 -
Re: Chinese Zodiac
This poem title intriqued me I was sadly disappointed me. It just seems to list a few zodiac animals and if you were aiming for any meaning it was lost. ...
Sep 5, 2007 -
Re: How You Break My Heart (Chapter 1)
Okay I saw one error constantly niggling you forgot a capital in Daddy so much. (Four years) I stood on the third stair from the bottom and watched daddy put ...
Sep 5, 2007 -
Re: Chapter 1
Erm I couldn't read anymore than a few lines. Even a Fan Fiction should be realistic this was like so bad. You just kept jumping here ther everywhere I'm suprised ...
Aug 29, 2007 -
Re: catastrophe
This is such a true poem except for bestfriends part it's very nihilistic but overall I like it but very pessimistic. It's nice idea but I've one suggestion if ya ...
Aug 12, 2007 -
Re: "Double Dad" Chapters 8 and 9
Well firstly this here. She was all that mattered. How could she do this to us? How could she do this to me? Doesn't she know the stress she's putting ...
Jun 23, 2007 -
Re: "Double Dad" Chapter 7
Here's a suggestion it's good but conversation a bit repeative. I suggest getting rid of some or just changing some of them into to other sayism. You'll soon find these ...
Jun 17, 2007 -
Re: Oh, Corrie 1
This kept me reading and as I said in chat the description is amazing, everyone else pointed out grammar issues. You've got great skill Luc don't think everyone a liar ...
Jun 17, 2007 -
Re: Tamia's quest VI
Again thoughts in italics please, it'll save all our brains XD. Anyway it's an obvious they're growing a close bond ;) lmao. Anyway nuth banter now on to next part.
Jun 2, 2007 -
Re: Tamia's quest V
I've said go over this with the link in chat, but ya're getting much better at this, a few punuaction and apostrophes missed. Anyway Elyn reminds me so much of ...
Jun 2, 2007 -
Re: tamia's quest part III
The beginning again was off-putting seems to be your forte XD. And this seems to be moving too fast, maybe you should of waited one more chapter before this. Anyway ...
Jun 2, 2007
