Published September 5, 2007
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I know the feeling. (I was born about a month too late to be a dragon. Blast!)
As others have said, I think this is an interesting subject matter, but you could've done better. The first two lines were, I think, especially bad. Remember that poetry does not have to rhyme; if you want rhyme and rhythm, it's gotta be damn good.
This one needs so much revision you may just need to toss it and start over. I found almost nothing poetic about this; it's interesting subject matter, but I'm afraid you handled it poorly. The rhyme was forced; no one wants to read something that doesn't make sense, something that's just been put there in order to rhyme.
So why wasn't this poetry? It's just a few facts and opinions listed, forgetting many of the things good poetry needs: imagery, poetic diction, emotion, at the very least. The truth is, we don't care that you wish you were a monkey unless you tell us why and make us care. So why do you want to be a monkey? Is there something important about being an ox?
Keep practicing, and good luck next time.
-Colleen
This poem title intriqued me I was sadly disappointed me. It just seems to list a few zodiac animals and if you were aiming for any meaning it was lost. I suggest trying less to rhyme and listen to Jasmine focus on your own zodiac. I hope this helps and good title just work on content =).
Your subject matter was interesting, but the rhyme here didn't do anything for me, as it seemed forced and I really don't think it added to your poem. Maybe try it without the rhyme. I'd also like to see more development of your theme, and maybe either take one of the animals and focus on this alone, go through all of them, or, as you have done, keep to a select few, but justify the signifigance of each one. Good luck, and I hope this helps.