cocoboy

Hmm, very interesting. I think that the made up/hard to pronounce names and titles are a little overwhelming if you introduce them all in the first couple paragraphs. It didn't ...

Wow, this is a very interesting piece! I like the beginning and the ending a lot, but one thing I noticed is that you have very big paragraphs so it ...

Hmm, that is a very interesting idea. I'm not sure if I like that beginning that much, but it is perfectly fine if you do. There is just a few ...

Wow, this is an amazing piece! You have a great idea, and you should defiantly continue with it! The writing has hardly any mistakes, and the only ones that I ...

this is my first posting, so feel free to comment! --- Breathing wasn’t an option. Neither was concentration. I couldn’t move any part of my body. The gorgeous stranger stalked ...

Okay, you need to change a lot here. First of all, capitalize some of those sentences! we looked around. The W should be capitalized. Second, the story is a little ...