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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Wow, this is an amazing piece! You have a great idea, and you should defiantly continue with it! The writing has hardly any mistakes, and the only ones that I have found are tiny!
In this sentence, I believe that it may sound a bit better (at least to me) if you added an "I" before the word "groaned". I know it makes perfect sense the way it is, but I think it could flow a bit better. If you don't like the sound of it with two "I"s, maybe you could put something else in or change the sentence around to fix it.
A few more things: you use the word "redundant" a lot, try using something else once in a while.
Apart from those, however, I think it is a fabulous story and you should keep writing it! I can't wait to read more!
Wow, thanks for all the great reviews guys. I had originally just written this as a short story for my English class, but based on all the awesome feedback I'm getting, I'll definitely expand this into something more. I didn't think people would find the Grim Reaper as interesting as I find him. I was wrong lol. Prepare to read more of The Grim Life Series.=) Thanks again!
Take out the comma after black cloak.
I think you could take out "I believe" here. Would sound better.
You've used the word redundant a lot of times. Repition can get annoying. Try a synonym.
Take out "itself".
LOVE! I don't know why, but I've always liked the Grim Reaper. He's cool. I don't really like doomy-gloomy stories, though, so I think it would be cool if you made him have a sense of humor or something. Maybe put in some funny scenarios. It's your choice, though. I would definitley read a second chapter. PM when you post it up!
Ciao baby,
Dreamworx95,
XOXO
Come on I cant wait to read more its torture
Very nice! Your portrayal of the grim reaper was great! I'm a bit curious about his boss, but assume that will be cleared up more as this goes on. Keep writing this!
Love this... It has no flaws... I love the way you describe the life of the grim reaper.
This is my favourite bit in the whole pice. Please tell me that you will continue writing
(BTW i love heavy metal to, i know this has nothing to do with the reveiw but still)
Keep writing (please)