chocoholic

Well it looks like you need some critiques, so here I am. First of all, I'd consider asking a mod to move this to Other Fiction, it would be fine ...

That was really good. Totally wrong and completely terrifying, but awesome at the same time. And the thing is, this could be what society turns into, the way we're going. ...

The young tourist, high with the excitement of her first big city, is gaping and gleeful as she is swept along in the tide of native pedestrians. [Standing giddily before ...

Cool. I quite liked it. It was different, definitely. Your writing was good and there was no spelling mistakes hat I saw or words that I would change around or ...

This was really good. Just a normal girl's life, burdened by this horrible thing. But you didn't write it in a 'My life is so horrible, give my pity' way, ...

Welcome to YWS! The first thing I'd like to tell you is that here on YWS we have a 2 for 1 reviewing policy. I see that you haven't made ...

I thought this was okay. It's not my favourite piece, but i was pretty sweet. I had a lot of trouble with it at the beginning. There wasn't any showing, ...

Cool. I like the idea of mixing up a bunch of fairy tales, I've never seen if done before. Have you heard of Jasper Fforde? I've never read any of ...

Wow! This random work thing is really useful, I never would have even glanced at this if it weren't for that. I like your title, most of all. There's something ...

First of all, here on YWS we have a two for one review policy, and we ask that all new member make two reviews before posting anything of their own. ...

Interesting. Here are my comments/nitpicks: wants some of I would remove the some . It detracts from the strength of the piece. Your bit on immorality is very powerful, especially ...

Interesting. I've never seen anything from biblical times up here, or much fiction set there, so this was nice to see. It was a bit short but I liked it. ...

This went really, really fast, which made it quite boring. Nothing much seemed to be going on, and I kept reading while saying to myself, 'Just finish it'. There's nothing ...

[Chorus] What is love and what’s it for? I’m losing faith, can’t take no more. Is it…hearing music in the night, The ... really threw me off. I'd get rid ...

Chorus *** Huh? What do you mean here? Don't you have a chorus or something? And I hate you with all my heart Now there ' s an irony for ...