z

Young Writers Society



Valentines

by lizzychicorock


Lucy strode down the hall of Sarton Middle School, not paying mind to anyone she passed and the ugly pink decorations hanging over the whole school. Her two best friends walked briskly behind her, trying to keep up. As the trio reached their destination, Lucy tuned to her friend and looked deep into her amber eyes, "you can do it, Payton."

Payton nodded and entered the cold room to their left, perhaps taking the biggest risk of her life.

Lucy and Rayna waited impatiently outside the door, pacing back and forth. He had to say yes. Who in this school wouldn't want to go out with Payton? She was a living, breathing, goddess. Lucy exchanged nervous glances with Rayna as she paced.

Just then, Payton strode out with the biggest grin Lucy had ever seen on her. Zach Durum and her were hand in hand.

Who could ask for a better valentines day?

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
516 Reviews

Points: 890
Reviews: 516

Donate
Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:32 am
chocoholic wrote a review...



First of all, here on YWS we have a two for one review policy, and we ask that all new member make two reviews before posting anything of their own. We then ask that you keep it that way. Believe it or not, you will get more reviews and make friends by sticking to this rule. But I'll let you off this time an give you a short critique, although I would ask that you make those two reviews as quickly as possible.

As to your piece, it was short, a bit boring and very cliche. Nothing much happened, and everything that did happen I've seen on TV a million times.

It was very short, o there's not a lot to comment on. Is this the beginning of a novel? If it is, I hope it's more interesting than this bit, because this plot is so over-done, the world really doesn't need another one of these stories.

Good luck in future, and please make some critiques as quickly as you can!





have u ever noticed how ugly rosy-lipped batfish r? and not like in the “aw ur so ugly ur cute” way that like opossums r — no they’re just hideously ugly beasts that should never have existed and r the epitome of evolution fails. the stupidity, blank look, head emptiness. they’re horrible n everyone who likes them r horrible too. they truly have the worst fan-base >:[
— Shady