chocoholic

First off, I think you have a very good piece of work, but needs some revision. A few things I noticed, How she droned through class, staring out the dust ...

Aww... that was really cute and funny. I really liked it. Your characters were well developed, and the woman in the drive was very... original (not speaking sarcasitcally). There was ...

I haven't seen almost famous, but I'll do my best to crit. This really didn't seem to have much of a plot. It was really just snippets of conversations by ...

Well, I think this is more a fantasy thing, but apart from that I didn't really like it. It's very simple, and I don't believe it's been written to it's ...

I quite liked it. The dialouge was real and believeable, and it flowed well. Plus it was quite funny. That last little bit... what did she do? The ending just ...

Umm... wow! That was freaky. Like, really freaky. Maybe not Other Fiction, it might be better off in fantasy of sci-fi. I really don't know what else to say apart ...

Haha! That was funny. I know some people who are like that, they need technology in thier lives or they can't do anything, pretty much. Dr. Alligood, an expert on ...

Yay! It's up, but it seems quite short. I hope 13 is up soon, too. I really liked this part. I can't really say why I liked it so much, ...

Well, it was much better than the first chapter. Shorter, though. The only thing I can complain about is the mother just made me think of fantasy. Was she a ...

I really think you've got something going here, but it needs a re-work. First of all, you need to show us what's going on, not just tell us. It gets ...

Okay, first of all, pleae double-space your work. Like this: Stephen sat on the dirty New York City bus stop. He checked his primly polished Rolex; 12:43 PM. The next ...

I didn't see any tense problems, actually. And yes, your ending... well, the 'it was just a dream' thing is overused and boring. Perphaps if she was dreaming about something ...

First of all, it is polite and part of the rules to critique at least two pieces of writing before posting your own. And even then, you should try to ...

I liked it. The imagery was good, I could defenetly see what was going on, and it was creepy. There wasn't any mistakes (that I could see, someone else might ...

I quite liked it. Your imagery was very good and the story had a nice feel to it. I couldn't see any mistakes apart from this bit- The street was ...