canislupis

Nice! Like has already been said, this does flow very nicely. I only found two typos: There are no clouds, and the stars are lost in a sweet fog. My ...

Very, very nice!!!!!!!! Wonderful feeling. Simple, but clear. The line-by line stuff has already been taken care of, but The one thing I wanted to say was that it is ...

OOH...... This is going to stick with me for a while. Like had already been said, I didn't find much wrong with this, but I'm not much of a hand ...

Very nice! This flowed very smoothly, and you had excellent character and scene description. I like!!!!! The one comment I had was that there are quite a few places where ...

Wow..... fascinating idea. Its a bit short though..... Here is my critique: He was born to protect the eggs, he was chosen to hatch the eggs, he is Quiry. Quiry ...

Hi! This was interesting...... It culd use a bit of work though. I think all the errors I noticed have already been pointed out, but I had a few things ...

Wow! Very nice piece. Some minor technical mistakes, which I will be pointing out, and also some minor repetition that you might want to fix. Here is my critique: Elephants, ...

Excuse me!!!!! You were supposed to tell me about stuff you posted, remember? :( Anyway, I don't have time for an in-depth critique right now, but I'll get to it ...

Hmm, I am kind of mystified by this... What is supposed to be happening? I can see some very refreshing descriptions coming through, but it needs more clarity.... The other ...

This is really good! I love your idea. I definitely want to see chapter two.. Some things you might want to change: The part with the hawks is a bit ...

Wow... This is very wordy. Maybe break it up into two posts? The font was rather frusterating for me too, it made it hard to read. (It also made vertical ...

Ok, Here is my review.... Some awkward description..... And here are a few line edits: encountered in my entire career. Career? hehe... Elaborate... At the moment that it should be ...

Hi! This was pretty good for a first post. It had some nice ideas and was surprisingly grammatically sound, considering your age. :D Something is a bit off with the ...

I agree with Snoink about the adjectives, and with chocoholic about getting it moved to other fiction, but it looks like you might have already done so..... The one thing ...

I don't have much time, so I'm afraid I'll just be able to critique the prologue. This was a very interesting idea, and it was pretty well carried out. But, ...