backgroundbob

Loving this piece: you've lifted your lines and references excellently. However... PUNC! TU! A! TION! Bizatchingness; get them comma and stuffs in girl.

... OK, now it's even more unrelated than before - at least the first version had some structure: this *is* just random words. First version was superior, but I think ...

2. “You understand what is happening to you, but you do not yet understand the ‘why’ of it. There are deeper things going on beneath the surface of the world ...

My only real comment is that "Don't love me 'cos I don't have a heart/to give you. " twigged the cliche-o-meter. Apart from that, a decent rant poem; very good.

Pretty much everything's been covered crit-wise - just like to say I enjoyed it, and thought it was well-written. r.

See this for critique on this poem:

Point of advice? Write in real English: that includes comments. It needs to become a habit.

because i was describing something that happened to ME. No, no! This is exactly the point I'm trying to make: when your writing is centered around your own experiences, and ...

Good haiku, though it's a little cliche :) I'd suggest 'Wiederbelebung' as a title.

the off rhythm in the last line of the first stanza. I don't think so: ten syllables per line, to the metric inch ;) I don't usually mess up my ...

Ah :) it's the Beatles' old recording studios, which is where it comes from, though I think there's actually a street near me called that as well.

And behold, unto you it is given! Eh. I'm tired. 1. It was a quiet evening, as quiet as it got in New York; no gunshots, no screams, no crackle ...

Both together - found a basic chord pattern, started figuring out words to go along with it, and both worked their way up slowly. The music makes all the different, ...

I mean the music I wrote for it. After all, it wouldn't sound quite right set to Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows would it? And thanks, Shriek :) Maybe when I'm ...

This is true. So's Hallelujah , for example. Doesn't stop it being good ;) EDIT: and you think the lyrics are depressing, you should hear the music....