asxz

The third paregraph, you've written one instead of on. most recognizable landmark around and the quite a nd beautiful place. Told me to n ever come back. Okay, so I ...

Alright. I liked it, just from the beginning, you had me intrigued. I haven't read the first two chapters, and I didn't think that i would really be able to ...

Hmm... I like the idea, and I like the story and plotline, but I think you would do well to add a bit more description in there, or soemthing that ...

I used o like twilight, I mean, at the time I thought it was written well, but after coming to this site I know that she just had 'F7' at ...

Hi! Here to review: First of all, your first paragraph isn't a very good eye-catcher. A short, bald, plump man in a pin striped suit walked stressfully backstage of the ...

Hi JoshuaPaul! I noticed that you commented on one of my chapters, so I'm here to return the favor! Just a quick side note though, GO NEW ZEALANDERS! (The computer's ...

I still want to hear something about an age... because it's confusing. Just slip it in somewhere, anywhere. Otherwise, it was a lottle confusing until I got to the end, ...

Hmmm... I know this was posted a few months ago, but I hope you still end up getting this. I feel the need to comment; then I liked being weird ...

I think that you have potential, but what bothers me is your sentence structure. You had one sentence for about half of the first paragraph. I think the general rule ...

I disagree with the Baron. I think that it's cool how you made some lines bigger than the others, just watch how small you make some of them, as it ...

Okay, just a short one from me. You need to learn how to show, and not tell. I suppose that in the prologue, it is fine the way that it ...

I liked it; it was very good for a thirteen year old! I'm only 14, but I've already learn so much off of this site in less than a year! ...

I don't get what's happening. I mean, I did, towards the end, but the beginning should tell me something that has happened. I like your descriptions, though. You can defiantly ...

Hmmm... I don't get what's going on. You say you had it all, when you were kids, but then you basically say that you marry, or become bf/gf in the ...

He Outofthebox! I like your poem, but there are a few things that bother me about it: No. 1: The flow at the beginning isn't very good. I'm not too ...