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Re: Vampyre's Horror Chapter 1
Nice, but please slow down. it feels as if you are rushing and it leaves the reader confused as to what is going on. A lot more description would help. ...
Nov 23, 2010 -
Re: Poison *Edited*
Much.MUCH better. Wow, you really have a gift. Nice continuation. Keep on writing! So doctor, please understand. This is all an act. I think your the one with the problem. ...
Nov 23, 2010 -
Re: Poison
REALLY NICE! Grammar is in bold People usually drink wine with meals, Rosé, white , or red regardless, I take a swig of poison, but don't take salt, but arsenic ...
Nov 16, 2010 -
Re: Betrayal
This is really good, but it sounds more like the prelude to a short story or novel or something like it.You seem to be on to something here. If i ...
Nov 9, 2010 -
Re: For the Better Chapter One
Really Nice! Mother had been continuously shuffling around the house and talking to herself this whole time, during which she had managed to put a plate of breakfast before me. ...
Nov 7, 2010 -
Re: Reilly Soar part~2.5
Lovely, just a few things. The grammar things are in bold. Well, it proba b ly was not the smartest thing to let her go flying after she just grew ...
Nov 7, 2010 -
Re: I'll be a Sparrow
People things Are worth giving up For a nice pair of wings. I was just confused... did you mean People-things , or People,things ? Other than that, very nice. short ...
Nov 6, 2010 -
Re: Wings
Really nice... You can really see that Pete is well characterized. Good job. He speaks like a real human being. I know that sounds weird, but if you look at ...
Nov 6, 2010 -
Re: Cheating
Nice, but the script was short and didn't give us much to go on... It's a little hard to follow since each person speak exactly like the person above them( ...
Oct 28, 2010
