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Re: All Babies Are Blessings (10)
So im not sure if iguet it... is this like in the future where everybody has to take pills and stuff... but hey... I noticed the ones that had come ...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: How Could This Not Be Real?
hmmm... a couple things... the begginning line, i can taste your smell, i thought i was gonna be reading about one of your acid trips and or flashbacks... were you? ...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: Doll
the structure or whatever wasnt bad... but i dont think the feel or the message was there... you know... cuz like what i got was basically your asking if you ...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: Tiny, Red Ant
did you write this for a class? any hoosier, i liked it... except for maybe the end, where you said its screams loudened... unless you ment it to be like ...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: Killer Instinct - Prologue
holy moly... huh.. the first thing that struck me was you used alot of 'though's... so my suggestion is... cut down on the thoughs... fur sure! though, of what i ...
Dec 7, 2008 -
Re: The Sky's on Fire
hmmm i enjoy many parts and expressions in this story... except It swallowed up the stars and heaven like a fat, white man. now i love the fat white man ...
Dec 6, 2008 -
Re: Already Won Me - Revised
hello ellen! So vividly can I remember the day we had met. I dont like this line... consider changing to something better... lol i can just imagine her bunched up, ...
Dec 6, 2008 -
Re: Welcoming Freedom Chapter 7
“Look at yourself.” He said. And she did just that. She gasped at her reflection. She touched her face and stared into her own eyes, a brilliant red from being ...
Dec 6, 2008 -
Re: Beggar's Utopia -- Chapter Two
Hello im xena and ill be your review for the day! :smt038 Pain punched into his lungs as he sucked in air through burnt his throat, bruising his insides i ...
Dec 6, 2008 -
Re: Moonsong
1. the beginning... the descriptions get pretty elaborate... not nescessarliy a bad thing, except here its hard to follow and picture and stuff... glistening black meadows rolling across planes farthe
Dec 5, 2008 -
Re: Slow Play
what? this is about baseball? how in the hell did you figure that one out? is... poem about how baseball is always there and you cant get rid of it. ...
Dec 3, 2008 -
Re: [deleted]
first id like to say and ask... do you like that... why do we build castles in the sky song too!? and second... some of the descriptions are great... but ...
Dec 3, 2008 -
Re: My Life in a Paragraph.
hello my name is xena and i shall be your REal reviewer for the day... She looked across to the other table at the group of girls, as They laughed ...
Dec 3, 2008 -
Re: Bells
The soldier than growled at me like a dog would I'm not terribly good with 'then' and 'than' but I believe in this instance it should be 'then'. Ignore if ...
Dec 3, 2008 -
Re: Romonin Chronicles: Prologue
hey well i liked this... but does need editing.. like combining the sentences to make it flow more... and i like the statement... the man carried a breivecase.. except its ...
Dec 1, 2008
