Writersdomain

Hello Claudette! So, I read it, and it was very disturbing (I assume that is the impression you meant to give?), but quite well-written. First, I will address the question ...

Yes, it's rushed, but I don't like stories with great big long preludes, otherwise it seems like the preludes a chapter. And I thought it would get the readers attention. ...

Paragraphing tips: 1. Whenever you change speakers, new paragraph 2. Whenever you change ideas in your narration, new paragraph 3. To format paragraphs on YWS, hit the 'enter' button until ...

Hello! :D I'm sorry I took so long to get to this. Anyways, this was very, very good, biancarayne. You write with magnificent detail and your pace is superb. The ...

Hello there, Fuffy! This was a pretty good beginning. You have excellent description and a good grasp on the English language; however, I did feel this part could have used ...

Hey Imelda! I'm happy to see you posting in the fantasy fiction forum! Once again, welcome to YWS. I'm going to do this the easy way and crit while reading... ...

Finally got to this - I'm glad I did. This was very, very good. The entire story gripped me and, as with other longer stories I read, I was not ...

Welcome to YWS! Yay, I read it! It was a good start, but I have a few suggestions... 1. Familiar Subject Matter: the idea of the author being sucked into ...

As has been said, your writing is smooth and this is a fantastic start to a story; however, there are a few things I think you can improve upon a ...

Hey Eloquence! I apologize that it took so long for someone to review your story; I saw it all alone down here and couldn't resist. This story is extremely hard ...

Hmmm, very interesting. Your description of her falling was wonderful - unique and refreshing in its own sense. I commend you for that. Adjectives Adjectives. What do I have to ...

Hello, Anja, and welcome to YWS. I know you're new, but please don't post so many message begging for reviewers. It clutters the forum and turns many potential readers away. ...

:wink: All eyes turned to Rais, who was standing three steps behind lady Ainathy, just as stony-faced as always. He did not comment on the fact that all it took ...

On the first part, I'm going to do a brief nitpick... “Aine? Lady Aine!” Rais knocked on the door a bit harder than it (you can omit 'it' here) was ...

Oy, quite good, Elein! I really liked the dialogue between Sevirard and Serena - fun. The only thing I would suggest is focusing a bit more on the other soldiers's ...