VimesyPumpkin

Hey there! I think this is great, got a good rhythm to it and made me smile! Maybe think about the metre a little, some lines seem not to fit ...

This is a really good start :) You've got a good plot going, although you could possibly pace it out by adding some more description. The intro could be a ...

Well that's definetley going to be my next by :D It comes out as a film soon - I saw the advert, that's why I opened this page. Can't wait ...