Vampirewolf3

Chapter two is up. Maybe to expo is too cliche or boring?

Thanks for pointing out those mistakes. I have so many messy drafts that I lose track of what I really want to write. “You reckon this is the one?” said ...

Ooh! This is much better than the previous version! I like your new idea: most stories are about people who ARE magicians, living with other magicians, but this is just ...

I..um..kinda' rewrote my story. Hehe.

I enjoyed the story. The beggining really pulls you in.

Cliche test. If you find this plot similar to yours, it could be a cliche. Boy kills parents. Turns out, the person who told him to kill his parents is ...

Nazgul? Sounds like the creatures in Lord of the Rings, does it not? I didn't like, no actually, I hated the prologue. Info dump; everything said there could have been ...

I couldn't help but to ask the most useless question. Why are there so many C?'s? What are the C's?

Skirmish. I noticed that word, this time through reading it. Aren;t skirmishes small battles? Why is it that big of a problem then?

Hunterzero pointed most of them out, but there is just one thing. You have too many cliche-ish type events. Try to come up woth something original.

Oooh. I liked Eragon. It was a pretty (who am I kidding? awesome) book i liked this little exerpt from arya's imprisonment

I liked the poem, but it lacked meter. A good title might be: "Why" I'm not sure, it's not that good of a title.

Clear these fools from the tent so we can talk real business. Shouldn't these been in quotes? “Dmitri, please.” D-e-r-i-m-i-t-wha? (Hard to pronounce, so hard to remember). “We must do ...

Better now? (I guess it does take off a bit of excitement)

Thanks for the crit. I change it all now.