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Valhalla

  • Short Story » Realistic, General Re: Ghost Story

    Your narrator's voice is too removed from the situation. It would be better to have the scenes narrated as they happened. There should also be more urgency. Thinking about a ...

    Feb 4, 2017
  • Poetry » Realistic, General Re: admit it

    A breakup poem with an attempt to turn it around at the end. The turnaround didn't really work. It sounds self-absorbed and over-confident. You say you have a knack for ...

    Feb 4, 2017
  • Poetry » General, Other Re: Lost

    A poem about writing. How original. Well, it's not that bad, actually. I agree with your choice of no caps. I think you might want to watch your religious overtones ...

    Jan 5, 2015
  • Poetry » Dramatic, Horror Re: Hallowed Halls and Empty Walls

    The meter isn't bad. I'll admit that. It fits. But it's sing songy and do you really want a sad poem to be sing songy? To get stuck in your ...

    Jan 5, 2015
  • Short Story » Dramatic, Realistic Re: The Silent Game

    That was exciting. But there are some things that need adjustment. I have a younger cousin that has selective mutism. She never treats it as a game, and I didn't ...

    Jul 21, 2014
  • Short Story » Fantasy, Supernatural Re: EhlĂ©win

    The murder at the beginning was surprising because I thought that the mc was talking about singing at first. I was going to mention the passive voice, but windrattlestheblinds has ...

    Jul 21, 2014
  • Poetry » General, General Re: tomorrow is a sin

    I like how pretty your words are, but I don't really understand what is going on at all. Imagery isn't enough to carry a poem. Find more of a meaning ...

    Jul 21, 2014
  • Short Story » Dramatic, General Re: Drops of Melancholy

    I like the emotional part of this, where the girl is talking like everything is great. I think you should switch the italicized parts. It is hard to read italics ...

    Jul 9, 2014
  • Other » General, Narrative Re: I've learned to hide my necklaces under my shirt

    I like this. I would like to know what are on the necklaces that are making people whisper about them. I wear a pagan symbol around my neck and in ...

    Jul 9, 2014


grammar is hard and i dislike it immensely
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